Reformed Articles

Homerule for Narnia!

This post was originally published on this site
Lord Aslan,

We the people do earnestly petition thee to liberate Narnia from usurpers to the throne. Having lost the British Empire in their own world, the Crown now seeks to colonize Narnia. The Pevensie siblings are grifters and carpetbaggers. They rule over us without our advice or consent. Rather than learning the dialects of Narnia, they expect everyone to speak “the King’s English”. They drain our natural resources to sustain their ostentatious lifestyle at castle Cair Paravel. 

When she first arrived, Lucy was sweet and modest, but she’s taken on royal airs. Fancy hairdos and evening gowns. Jewels. Pedicures and manicures. And don’t let us get started on her vain gossipy sister.

“High King” Peter is drunken lout who whiles away the hours in gambling and blood sports–while his randy younger brother Edmund cavorts with the wood nymphs and water nymphs. 

We plead with Thy Divine Majesty to succor us in our distress and rid our land of English imperialism. Cast off the yoke of foreign oppression! End the occupation!

Thy royal subjects and servants,
• Badgers
• Bears
• Beavers
• Deer
• Foxes
• Hedgehogs
• Mice
• Moles
• Otters
• Rabbits
• Squirrels